Disclaimer: donīt take this to serious. Itīs mostly an internal joke, and some of it even far out!
The slogan "Clean up Svalbard" has more to it than you think!
2 things on Svalbard really cry out for being cleaned up:
Kulturminner???
The definition of "kulturminner" (culture-reminiscents) is officially something like rubbish that is lying around in the nature but that must not be touched because it is from before 1945 and thus "culture".
But donīt let it fool you. Of course someone should clean up the garbage, especially when you think that the Svalbard people and laws are very agressive against destroying anything nature-like. But most of it is heavy metal stuff or sunken ships or dangerous fueltanks or heaps of coal or enormous mining-constructions, so it is easier just to let it be...
We hope that Norway eventually will join the EU, so normal rules will apply to the islands and the rubbish will be removed from Nature. Clean It Up!!
Fjeld???
The Svalbard people consider the islands to consist of Fjeld (rocks).
What a joke!
After hiking around, it is clear that the only thing Svalbard consists of is Stabilgrus (gravel), kept together only by Permafrost, gletschers and some occasional metal poles.
When the climate change continues and permafrost will diminish, the whole of Svalbard will eventually collapse and flatten out, so Norway should rather start now cleaning up the gravel and building some stabilizing concrete rocks to rescue the arctic wildlife!
And what about World domination???
Everybody knows that Svalbard originally was built by the Dutch in the 16th century.
They just took all the excess gravel from Holland (That is the reason why many parts of Holland now lie below sea-level), and dumped it at the spot where they needed a strategic base and where they knew that permafrost would keep it together.
But consider the following scary fact : everybody with the modern tools of today can just do the same!
Imagine Ukraine putting a strategic island on the map and filling it with nuclear weapons, claiming those to be "kulturminne".... Easy way to get World Domination!
And then there is this issue of renaming Spitsbergen (original dutch name, meaning Peaky Mountains) to Svalbard (norwegian, meaning Part of the norwegian culture), which clearly proves that somebody out there is hiding something.
The islands were originally built with peaks, but when you look now, most of the gravel has fallen down from the tops and no peaks remain. The fact that "rocks" possibly could erode so fast would of course not fit into the sinister denial of the facts, so renaming it is just part of the evil plot.
Rescue plan for Holland?
Since the dutch should have credits for putting Svalbard on the map, and they thereby sacrified the safety of their own country after the rest of the world started changing the climate, we should make a rescue plan to preserve this beautiful country (i.e. Holland).
The fact that 1/3 is below sealevel, poses a big risk when the global heating will melt the polar ice and sea level rises with several meters.
The plan is quite easy, since the permafrost will slowly disappear from the upper layer of Svalbard and with the same pace the loose gravel could be transported back to Holland, increasing the height here.
Some people have to be evacuated for some thousand years, but there is plenty of room in Denmark, and many of the dutch farmers have moved there already anyway.
Not all of the Svalbard gravel is needed, since the dutch people have learned to live without hills, so the remaining gravel could be used to build motorways across the NorthSea between Holland, Denmark and Scotland!